Happiness is a State of Mind
by Juren
Summary: Haru thought everything was going to work out again. He had Rin. He knew that everything could fall apart, but he never conceived it would happen so quickly... now Yuki has to pick his shattered remains of his friend up again. Yaoi. Lemon in later chapter
1. Expecting the Worst and Never Prepared

**Ooc- :3 I'm back!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Fruits Basket nor it's characters… blah blah. :3**

**Also, thanks to whoever nominated me for my HaruxRin fanfic on the UFO site. 33 Tons of love!**

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**Expecting the Worst**

**Never Prepared for it**

He knew things could get worse. After all, he was a member of the Zodiac with an unstable leader. A jealous, irrational God that struck down on any man or woman that got too close to his men. However, in a single glorious week, Haru felt everything broken was being glued back together, piece by piece. There was a beautiful, raven-haired woman that came to see him nearly every night. She was there to talk to him, to pour out all of her pent-up frusterations and vocalize what had happened in every moment of her day. She was there to lean against him and occasionally respond to the infrequent kisses Haru pressed to her shoulders, neck, and cheek. It was impossible to deny how much he still loved Isuzu – Rin – with every fiber and microfiber of his being. Haru was going to be there for every bad day she had and he was all ears when she wanted to talk about it. If she needed anything, she would merely have to suggest it and it would be done. When Rin needed some physical comfort, Haru was on board for it. There was never a moment when she had to ask twice for something to be done. In his complete, whole love for Rin, he had become almost like a personal assistant. Did he care? Absolutely not, because it meant spending time with the sole woman he loved, even if it meant disregarding the only man he had ever confessed his love to, the the only person that he loved that only considered him a friend. Right now, with someone on his mind, he could deal with that numbing pain of rejection. He didn't have to dwell on it right now. It was a release he had been begging for and Rin fit the bill perfectly.

It was just one of those days. Haru spent most of his time waiting for the sun to sink below the horizon, even if it was only noon. He tried to find things to do to pass the time: watch television, read a book, go outside, or even go visit Shigure or Momiji. Anything to waste time until Rin could safely come visit him. They were already on thin ice, especially with Akito on such high alert. It was stupid to even think about seeing Rin, because somehow the word would get back. But Haru was hopelessly in love, and to make things worse, he was a teenager. Nothing could stop them because they were in love. At least that's what they assumed. "Hey Momiji," he greeted the chipper Rabbit. "Hey Tohru," added the two-toned male. If it wasn't for Akito, Rin and him might just be like Momiji and Tohru: nearly inseperable. A green wave of envy shot through him. Momiji started up a conversation, half of which Haru listened to as he ambled alongside the bouncing pair. Somehow the story went from the ocean to talking about chocolate-covered ants. Haru never doubted that Momiji was a little strange… but chocolate-cover ants? From the bouncing blonde, he heard they were strangely delictable.

This day was going to be perfect. He was going to waste his lighted hours with Tohru and Momiji, Yuki, Kyo, and Shigure (if the novelist wasn't dodging his frantic editor). When the sun sank below the horizon, signalling the time that he and Rin could be together, he would think nothing except her. It was the benefits of summer vacation. He had all morning to recuperate from the night before. Then his cycle would begin all over again. The two-toned male paused, his thoughts returning to the bouncing duo as they neared Shigure's cozy home, cozy because of Tohru's feminine and adoring care of it. Apparently a picnic was about to take place. If he was paying attention, perhaps he would have been forewarned. He just hoped that Momiji left the chocolate-covered ants at home. "Come on, Haru! Pick out your watermelon," Haru heard Momiji's call. What was with the Rabbit and watermelon? Rolling his dark eyes, Haru took his time in approaching the watermelons on display. Momiji already had his arms around his watermelon, claiming to Tohru that his watermelon had a plethora of seeds. He was confident that he would win the watermelon eating and the seed-spitting contest. Haru paused from his watermelon inspection and glanced at the perky blonde. When wasn't there an event or a family get-together stirring in Momiji's mind? Did Momiji ever stop to sleep? Haru shook his head, unsure if he could answer those questions himself. So, Haru tapped and weighed the watermelons in his arms until he was sure he had a piece of fruit that could outdo Momiji in both contests. He smirked in triumph. "I'm going to beat you at this, kid," Haru said, his voice oozing in an upcoming challenge. Now he only had to challenge Yuki and Kyo to this (Tohru didn't have the air power to spit a seed over a few inches) and it would be a real competition. Haru was half-glad, though, that Shigure wasn't home. He knew that the novelist could talk up a storm without so much as a single lungful of air. He would be doomed to second place if he ever joined the contest.

In the midst of his enjoyment, Haru failed to notice the ashen face of his Rat cousin. He was too busy telling Momiji that he was going to soar above him in both challenges. For one thing, he could wolf that watermelon down because he failed to eat breakfast and another, he had been running to waste his time away, and his lungs had improved tenfold. His third (or forth) favorite cousin, Kyo, ducked through the front door. Again, in Haru's delight, he failed to notice the sullen look on his face. Frankly, he didn't care what was going on the Sohma household. Maybe Kyo lost the game of love to his silver-haired cousin, which he doubted, but there was something that would explain the look on his face. The look of sadness wasn't as profound as his second love, Yuki. Quickly, Haru brushed it off. He hoisted his and Tohru's watermelon onto his shoulders, Tohru carrying the picnic basket, and Momiji rolling his on the grass. He was just about to follow after the chipper pair, but he was stopped by his somber cousin. "Haru… can we talk?" his silver-haired cousin asked, refusing to look him in the eye, or even in the face. Haru glanced back at the chipper duo, then back at Yuki. He had seen Yuki sad before, multiple times, even, but this was beyond sadness. It was grief. Of course he wouldn't turn down Yuki in the midst of his agony. Haru shifted the melons on his shoulders and waited for Yuki to speak. By the looks of it, speaking was a mighty pain for him… Haru wanted to be able to comfort him, but how could he? He had no idea what was the source of all of his agony.

It seemed like hours before Yuki even opened his mouth to draw a ragged, uneven breath. The Rat looked like he was holding back tears. "Haru… I…" Haru tilted his head to the side, waiting expectantly. He waited patiently for what Yuki struggled to tell him. He expected the worst. He expected some sort of love declaration. But what he got was the worst, just something completely unexpected.

"I don't know… how to tell you this delicately… but Akito found out about you and Rin."

Haru felt his arms go numb. Miraculously, the watermelons remained, albeit a little shakily, on his shoulders. He felt his limbs shake and fury race through his entire being. Most of all, he could feel terror. Where was Rin? Immediately, he felt the desire – no, the need – to go find Rin and tell her. Send her away, protect her.

"And… he pushed her out a window…"

Haru could feel the breath hitch in his chest. Would he ever be able to pump oxygen through his system ever again? Not until he heard Rin was alive and well. If she wasn't, he'd afraid his lungs would shrivel and die, just like he ultimately would. He had gone without Rin before, but to know that he would never feel her soft, ivory skin or kiss her beautiful lips again… if he couldn't even look at her without staring at a gravestone first… he'd…

He'd die.

"And she didn't make it. Hit her… she hit her head on a rock, Haru." A strangled sob tore from Yuki's chest. He didn't know if it was out of pity for him or true sorrow for Rin. But it made him feel sick. Yuki didn't care about her the way he did. Yuki didn't know what she felt, who she cared for, what she feared! It almost disgusted him to hear Yuki cry.

The watermelon's dropped behind him, splitting in two on the rocky, uneven terrain. Anger shook through him. "No! Don't you cry for her like that. Don't you think that you should… should feel sorry for someone you never truly new. Just… don't!" and he ran. Haru ran the opposite direction of Yuki, Black Haru ripping through him as anger filled every emotion he had saved especially for Rin…

He felt like he had died from the inside out. He could feel his happiness rotting and crumbling at his attempts to rescue it. Everything, his entire being, was shattered into millions of pieces that would take decades to carefully piece together. He was ruined. Akito had ruined him.

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**Ooc- Well, there's the first chapter! Sorry for my absence… never felt the need to start writing. This is a plot I created for a roleplay (one that's still going 3) and I hope you enjoy.**


	2. Barely Breathing

He ran.

The pain in his head was blinding. It took over his entire body and psyche and drowned him in a torrent of misery. Doubt, anger, and lust for revenge boiled in the torrent. He fought for breath, for refuge, for anything to become his hypothetical life jacket and bring his head above the thing that threatened to drown him. For a tenth of second, Hatsuharu was brought to a vague form of reality. He could feel his legs pounding beneath him and the roughness of the terrain. He could hear his own blood pumping in his ears and the hot tears that dried on his cheeks. Again, Haru quickly slipped out of reality, and he continued to struggle with the emotions that were about to capsize him.

He just didn't understand. Why, why did everything around him have to crumble and break? Truly, he must be cursed with something more powerful than what affected the rest of the Sohma family. It was his fault, or some wicked higher power, that contributed to the death of his love, Rin Sohma. She had been cruelly slaughtered. She had never gotten the chance to live outside of the curse, to be free with him. After lovemaking Haru would mutter sweet nothings into her ear, envisioning a life where they would wake up together, kiss each other good-bye for work, eat dinner together, and go to bed together. He had envisioned a life with her. Now that she was gone, it was clear that he had no future. Rin was his future… Rin had been his future.

Her beautiful and tragic life had been cut short. With a small, nimble foot, Akito had snuffed out the tenuous candle that had been Rin's life. It seemed only fitting that Haru would approach Akito and convince him to kill Haru the same way Akito had slaughtered the love of his life. He wanted to relive her death and join her in the afterlife to celebrate eons and eons of togetherness. There was a heaven out there, somewhere, where Rin was in her knee-high boots and short skirts, waiting for him. He could almost reach out and touch her tresses. The ebony silk that was her hair danced just out of his reach, the scent of lavender basking over him in his gloriously familiar way. Rin wasn't dead. No, she was very real, and in front of him…

In a split second, Haru collided with a tree and crumpled to the ground. Delirious, he reached out and ran his fingertips over the tree's bark. The sensation he got was not of rich, creamy vanilla skin, but of cracked and rough bark. A few tears slid out from between his clenched eyelids and moistened his wind-whipped skin. Groaning, the Ox clutched his head and rolled over onto his knees. A drop of blood left his lips. In a wild fit of anger, he punched the ground. His knuckles struck an overgrown root. Haru howled in pain and flopped onto his back.

He had reached the lowest of lows.

For a long time, Hatsuharu lay on his back and listened to his wild and frantic breathing. Slowly, he felt his breath stabilize. Instead, he listened to the pounding in his head and the throbbing in his hand. Whenever he tried to open his eyes, Haru saw only swimming tree branches and bright blue sky. The Ox squeezed his eyelids shut, avoiding the world outside his lids. Nature went on as it always did while Hatsuharu was left, wallowing in his misery. Birds chirped and squirrels bickered as if nothing was wrong. He didn't understand why nature wouldn't wallow with him. He felt that the sky should have darkened and rain poured from the ominous clouds as soon as Rin… as soon as she… fell. Haru attempted to swallow, but a lump prevented that. He continued to lie there, contriving the best possible way to end his life so he could begin an afterlife with Rin. It seemed like ages before his brain began to function enough to plot out his next move.

Then it hit him.

If Rin died in a quick, nearly painless way, he would die painfully and slowly. He would relish in the feeling as it brought him closer to his deceased lover. Screwing up his courage, Haru raised himself enough to lean against his arms. The Ox then began to drag his exhausted body into the shadows of the massive trees. They would cloak him as his body began to shut down from starvation and thirst. It would be his grand finale, all in the name of Isuzu Sohma. He settled his head against the base of a tree and closed his eyes. There, he awaited Death in his slow, purposeful movements.

-

"Thank you so much for your help… Yes, you've all done a wonderful job. I think I got the rest from here."

Haru awoke suddenly. The world around him was calm and still. His first thought turned to Heaven and the afterlife – surely he couldn't already be there? He didn't have the courage to open his eyes. Instead, his hearing held onto the breathless voice that came from his front. Haru could hear Rin. It was her voice that encouraged him to open his eyes, to look at her. He had joined her in the afterlife after all, and his trip was much quicker than expected. Joy erupted in his abdomen as he struggled to sit up. Haru forced his eyes open to behold the one he held so dear to his heart…

When his vision focused at last, he felt his heart plummet into nothingness. Sitting before him was not Rin. He was not in the afterlife. Instead, he had been put on a futon with Yuki Sohma sitting in front of him. He was located in Shigure's modest home. The Ox clenched his teeth and lay back down, turning his back to Yuki. "Get the fuck away from me. I don't want to see you," he growled vehemently. In one fell swoop, Yuki had ruined all of his plans of savoring his path to Rin. Yuki was a selfish bastard for pulling him out of the forest. It was all his fault. Everything. Yuki sought to ruin lives, especially his.

"I know you don't want to see me right now, Haru. I'll just… sit away so you can't see me, okay? Just get some rest – you can call me if you need anything," Yuki offered. The Rat moved off the futon and into a far corner. This way, he was out of Haru's vision and he could get some sleep. With a generous portion of rest, Haru might be able to collect his thoughts and start to heal, inside and out. He didn't know what had happened to Haru's face, chest, and hands, but Haru looked like he had gotten into a fight with something – or someone – very large and foreboding. Yuki suppressed a sigh and stared at Hatsuharu's back. If only he could ease his pain…


End file.
